Saturday, August 30, 2008

Here's to good food and great naps.

  You know, I can't even seem to take a bath in private anymore.  This camera thing is getting out of hand.  I don't know why these people feel the need to document every second of their lives.  I guess they have nothing better to do.  How sad and utterly pathetic.

 I had the strangest dream last night.  I was on a fantastic warm Hawaiian beach with wonderful food and luxurious drinks.  The smell of the tropical flora was beyond description!  I was just about to chat up a cute feline of the female persuasion basking in the sun, when I was rudely awakened by the male human deciding he wanted to sit in my chair.

 That's ok though.  He will pay later when he least expects it.  I know where he keeps his toothbrush.


M. Wooley

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Family Affair

I have a little time today in between naps, so I thought I would make a short entry. As I mentioned in my previous post, I came across a couple of old photos. This is apparently me at a very young age, too young I suppose to remember much other than a huge pink food dish. Humans have no taste at all.

I also have probably never mentioned the fact that I have a half-sister. I myself just discovered this a short while ago, over the 4th of July holiday. Strictly by chance during the weekend away with my people, I discovered her living in a beach house along with two well trained humans. The family resemblance is uncanny. See for yourself. (Zuzu in early 2008)

Unfortunately she was not open to the idea of reconnecting as long lost siblings. So rude was she, in fact, that she ignored me the entire visit. I tried my best to follow her around and strike up a conversation, but all she gave me was a strange hissing noise. I finally gave up when she hid under the giant bed and would not come out. I do not have time for such shenanigans. I am not sure I would even want to have a relationship with her in light of such ill manners and breeding.
I do not blame her, I suppose, after hearing talk of her life experiences. Allegedly she was adopted, and then her adoptive humans tried to give her back unsuccessfully. A whole sordid messy affair apparently. Thank goodness I am in a stable home. Ah, well, I suppose I may try again to make contact with her again at a later date. Hopefully I will have a warmer reception.

All for now,

M. Wooley

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My week in review.

My apologies to my loyal readers for my extended absence. This was partly due to my own laziness, but primarily because my people decided to take my laptop when they disappeared for several days. Not only did they leave me to fend for myself, but they sent two crazy strangers in their place to apparently "check" on me. I will not let them leave ever again.

Admittedly, though, I was able to catch up on some important projects that I have been neglecting. The bathroom curtains needed some more shredding, I FINALLY figured out how to get up to that bathroom counter top (plenty to do up there!), and I found a new plant to rip leaves off of. I managed to keep myself busy through my loneliness. When my people decided to return, they brought me some strange looking toy that they expected me to play with (it is quite enjoyable, although I will never let on) and demanded that I show them affection. Can you believe the audacity? As if they deserved it. I showed them though. One thing I know how to do best is pout and refuse attention. 

They have to learn one way or another! I think they have been punished enough by now, so I will let them back into my good graces.

During my time alone I discovered some old family photos. I will have to save that for my next blog. Stay tuned!

I must leave you now with my final thought for the day:

Never sniff what you can't identify.

M. Wooley

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Freedom is overrated.

As I lay here gazing out the screen door at the big world beyond, I contemplate evicting my human roommates. Oh to have my freedom! No sharing the bathroom, no being locked out of the bedrooms away from the wonderful giant bed, no limits on where I can roam! I don't know how I got myself into this situation. I must have a soft spot for these humans. Where would they be without me, anyway?

Darn it, I want that spider crawling there outside.....sorry, I let myself become distracted for a moment.

What a lovely garden to play in! I would love to knock all the bright colored flowers from their stems. But, alas, the humans are crafty enough to keep the back door closed. I am still working on gaining my upper body strength ( think all that screen climbing is paying off), and when I am ready I will make my move. It's not always about strength anyway, it's agility, which they seem to be quite lacking. Oh, they have so much to learn. I will just have to be patient for now.

Besides, I suppose I would be quite bored if they were gone. No ear scratching, no faces to rub my behind in, no toes to bite. Yes, my days would be sadly empty. Not to mention the meals. I am not a "house cat". Forget fixing my own meals, I refuse! That is what hired help and humans are for. It is admittedly pleasant to receive my meals at my beck and call. Yes, that is a plus. Sigh. I guess I will keep them around. If only they knew how lucky they are to have a cat like me.

I will bid you farewell now.

A very unappreciated,

M. Wooley

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Never eat tuna before bed.

This is how my day began. Have you ever woken up in a strange place with no recollection of how you ended up there? I have. It's a bit disturbing. I do remember having strange dream after dream all night long. I vaguely remember something about a red cape, yes, I think it was Superman. The rest is a blur. I really must restrain myself from the extra helping of tuna right before bedtime.

I will keep this short today, as I have much planned. There's only so many hours in the day between eating, napping, and watching the Olympics.

Till next time,

M. Wooley

Friday, August 8, 2008

Slave to fashion.

  Well, as I surmised, I'm feeling quite improved today.  I had a leisurely morning after the humans disappeared.  After taking my early morning nap, I remembered my the incident yesterday and decided to make use of the wonderful blue cushy thing the humans sit on to sharpen my claws.  It worked beautifully!

  After chasing the cat in the glass china cabinet for a time, I became spent and decided to take my mid morning nap.  It really can be so boring around here with no humans to attack.  I decided to eat lunch, then took my early afternoon nap.  After sniffing the perimeter and climbing the window screen, it was time for my mid-afternoon nap.  This, by the way, was rudely interrupted when the she-human reappeared.  So much for a peaceful afternoon.  At least I can get my dinner now.  

Time to sign off....I need to catch up on my Project Runway....yes, I said it.  

Till tomorrow.......Auf Wiedersehen!

M. Wooley

Thursday, August 7, 2008

My crappy day.

Greetings! Today is the day I began my very first blog. Why, do you ask? Well, let me first tell you about the events of today.

From the moment I opened my eyes at the horrific thundering noise coming from the food room, I was in a foul mood. My back ached from being curled in a ball behind the noisy picture box for 9 hours. And now I was starting to get a headache, along with the irritating itching in my ears. If I have to scratch my ears one more time and see brown flecks flying in the air, I'm going to bite something, preferably fleshy. As I tiredly dragged myself out of my bed, all the while squinting at the annoying bright lights being turned on so early, I spotted my humans fumbling for their morning food and drink. This is the best time to rub ankles and lay on feet. They are still nice and warm from having been under blankets all night. I don't know why my humans must always speak loudly in the morning, seemingly in too much of a hurry. I especially wish they would watch where they step.

Once they had finished making so much noise and disappeared for the day, I decided to have a bite to eat, and make a visit to the sand box. As the warm sun came up I slept for a better part of the day, feeling sorry for myself and my itchy ears.

Everything was going fine until my female human re-appeared & decided she was going to wrap me up tightly in a blanket and force strange smelling liquid into my ears. I did my best to resist, but it did no good. (Note to self, work on upper body strength and claw sharpening in my spare time) She finally released me, after making what seemed like angry grunting sounds. I found a safe spot out of reach and furiously scratched my ears until they were sore. Why do humans seem to get pleasure out of torturing us? If someone has an answer to this, please feel free to enlighten me.
Anyway, once again feeling sorry for myself and more uncomfortable than ever, I had the brilliant idea to document my daily woes and adulations, if only for my own personal therapy. So, thus began my blog.

The day is winding to a close, and I am still rubbing my ears endlessly. What is this horrible substance? The more I scratch, the more it gets on my face and paws. Good grief, I look like a vagabond! I can't take this anymore. I'm going to take a roll in the sand box and find a nice lap to curl up on. Hopefully the substance will be gone tomorrow. Signing off till then,

M. Wooley